When I was asked to join in the authorship of this blog, I jumped at the opportunity. I thought it was brilliant...one of the hardest struggles for me in my discernment has been finding resources from a modern young adult, female perspective. Since there are virtually none out there, hopefully my journey and struggles can shed some light (and laughter!) for others who are starting this journey. This is probably going to be my longest post...so I apologize in advance :)
By way of introduction, I too am a first year seminarian, having come directly from undergrad at a "public ivy" college where I double-majored in Anthropology and History and minored in Math. I am the second youngest student at my seminary and I'm also serving as the pastor to two ity-bity churches a couple of hours away from school. I am just beginning this pastorate, having started January 1st...so you'll be able to journey with me as I try to figure out where God is leading me through this grand adventure! I'm also a United Methodist candidate for ordination...I go up for my certification interview in a few weeks. I'm hoping to be ordained as an elder in the UMC, pastor a church for a few years and then go on for a PhD in Methodist History or American Church History so that I can teach and/or work for denominational archives.
So how did all this begin? Well...I generally say that working at a Christian summer camp was the catalyst for my pursing my calling. I had been sensing God's call to me for a few years, but it wasn't until the summer after my freshman year of college that God intervened in a dramatic way. I was pursuing law and politics for a career--I had my eye on a national office--when God took an internship out from under me and placed me at summer camp. This was ironic because growing up I hated being outside...I would sit inside in a beanbag chair reading all day, every day. But God changed my life that summer and made me fall in love with ministry! The kid who came to camp as a bully and left thinking Bible stories were "pretty cool," the high schooler who confided deep, inner secrets, the child who committed their life to Christ, and more, all impacted me. Living in Christian community with the other staff was amazing! The prayer life was the best I had experienced, and I was learning to articulate my faith in ways that mainstream culture makes difficult. It was then I realized that I could be in full-time ministry and wanted to explore my options.
It was then that my path began to fill with briars and obstacles. I tried to talk to several clergy, but each time, they blew me off, thinking I would change my mind, or thinking that I wasn't serious. But I was serious. I never announce my plans to people until I have thought through them and prayed over them. I became very frustrated. The common comment I heard was "if you can do anything besides ministry, do it." This was disheartening because the fact is, most of us can do something else. I could have pursued my other dreams, my new love of anthropology. But I wanted, and was called to pursue ordained ministry. Frederick Buechner said that your calling is where your greatest desire and the world's needs intersect. For two years, I tried to convince a pastor, any pastor, that I was being called. Finally, I sat down with a wonderful, second-career pastor who actually listened to me and said that she could feel a very strong calling in me! That moment changed everything! The two years had been filled with spiritual attacks--including one point where for about 6 months I didn't even know if I believed in God anymore. I was ecstatic!
I didn't do anything for several months, knowing I had to go back to my home church pastor to talk about my calling and ministry options. I was scared. What would happen if he said "no"? Could I face the rejection? I finally emailed my district superintendent, and he was very encouraging...he sent me a guidebook to read and told my home church pastor to meet with me. I spent the next year and a half meeting with this pastor. It was lengthened considerably for me because I went away to school.
To make a long story short, I eventually got through this, went before the District Committee on Ordained Ministry (DCOM) and was assigned a candidacy mentor. The woes of the candidacy process for me are long...perhaps one day I will post about them. But the best advice I can give is to 1) know the process better than any of your mentors--you tell them what you need to do next, 2) keep multiple copies of everything--even emails (print them!), you will need something eventually and will be glad to have it! 3) Stay on top of deadlines--Have a calendar, check it frequently. 4) Every conference in the UMC (and even each district within the same conference) can have different procedures--don't be alarmed if other people are doing things in a different order. Maintain frequent communication with your mentors (official and unofficial) and you'll be fine. 5) Know that you are not alone--it is a yucky process that in any other setting would be considered hazing; but you will survive if you want to, if God is calling you to this ministry (Philippians 4:13).
Now I'm 1/6th of the way through seminary (which was a tough discernment process too...) and pastoring 2 small, rural churches--each with about 20 people. That's a crazy story, and one I invite you to check out on my blog (see my profile). One of the things I've learned through this whole process is that I never stop discerning. It does get a bit easier, because you get used to going to God and listening for God--each person "hears" God in a different way. But it is a continual process. If you ever stop listening for God, then "Houston, we've got a problem!" I'm now working on figuring out what God has in store for me...I had never thought I'd be pastoring 2 churches at this point in my life, journey and seminary career--I never pictured myself as a local church pastor to begin with. I've always wanted to serve in extension ministries. But now, I'm serving this 2 congregations...5 minutes from where I grew up. I kept trying to go away to school, but God kept bringing me back. While I thought my calling began in high school, in retrospect, it began MUCH earlier...God has had God's hand on me for a looong time--I've just been too dense to realize it.
I invite you to journey with me, down the path, through the briars and roadblocks, in the grand adventure of calling and continual discernment...maybe our winding paths will cross one day...to where is God calling you? Where do your greatest joy and the world's needs intersect?
No comments:
Post a Comment