With all the talk recently about the possible repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, it got me to thinking about the United Methodist Churches stances. Currently the UMC Book of Discipline states that “The practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching. Therefore self-avowed practicing homosexuals are not to be certified as candidates, ordained as ministers, or appointed to serve in The United Methodist Church” (UMC Book of Discipline 304.3). This is an interesting stance for a church that claims “Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors” because it does not seem very open.
What this policy does is it takes those who are seeking ordination or are currently ordained and who also identify as Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual (we currently have no policies concerning being transgender though sadly this means we have no protections either) and forces them into a church don't ask don't tell policy. Basically by coming out and living with integrity those called by God are denied their calling. How can we do this? How can we turn away those called by God? If God approves of an individual enough to call them into God's service how can we deny them? What makes this stance even more interesting is that we know there are LGB pastors in the UMC who are forced to hide. We have already recognized their gifts and calling to the ministry and taken them all the way through our very long and complicated process for ordination. They are succeeding in ministry but only at the cost of their integrity.
You would think that we would want our pastors to live with integrity as this is a Christian value, but I guess in the UMC we do not. We would rather our pastors lie about who they are. We would rather them lie about who they love. We would rather them deny their own families. This forces our pastor to choose between a Holy calling and living lives with integrity. Who are we to force individuals to make this choice? Sadly many are making this choice and too many are choosing to live with integrity and leave our denomination. We are losing many of our best and brightest. This not only does a disservice to those individuals affected by our policies;\ we are hurting ourselves as the church by turning away qualified and talented individuals.
There is hope though. The Book of Discipline states in our social principles that “we affirm that all persons are individuals of sacred worth, created in the image of God” (UMC BOD 161H). We would do well to remember that we believe all people including LGBTQ persons are created in the image of God. Maybe then we would begin to realize how destructive our currently policies truly are and we would begin to repent of our past and move towards a future that is truly inclusive of all of God's beloved creation.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Man, this is heavy...
I just looked at my current church's website, and saw my name, picture and biography under the heading "Pastoral Staff". And all of a sudden, it hit me fully for the first time - the enormous responsibility I've been given, to guide and walk with these people, to be charged with their souls in a very real sense. My initial thought was - "how on earth did I trick myself into thinking I could do this? How did I ever convince this congregation that I was capable enough to be handed such awesome power?" Even on my best days, I worry about letting them down, not giving them the absolute best, not doing things in the right way.
Lew Parks, a friend from Pennsylvania and a professor here at Wesley, once told a class of Small Church Leadership students that "there's a wonderful moment in ministry when you realize, 'I probably can't kill this critter!'" I will confess freely that if there is such a moment, I am clearly not there yet. I am all too aware of the fragility of the thing I hold in my hands, very scared that the time of transition I'm leading this program into could end up destroying it - or me. But I'm somehow perversely comforted by the fact that I haven't become immune to the weight of it all. There is no doubt I am a worrier, but I think too often we lose sight of the fact that our calling is catastrophically huge, that thousands of people will be affected in a very real way by the decisions we make over the course of a career. Are we called to be basket cases? Definitely not. But we should be operate with respect for the trust people put in us and the power that's placed in our hands.
Lew Parks, a friend from Pennsylvania and a professor here at Wesley, once told a class of Small Church Leadership students that "there's a wonderful moment in ministry when you realize, 'I probably can't kill this critter!'" I will confess freely that if there is such a moment, I am clearly not there yet. I am all too aware of the fragility of the thing I hold in my hands, very scared that the time of transition I'm leading this program into could end up destroying it - or me. But I'm somehow perversely comforted by the fact that I haven't become immune to the weight of it all. There is no doubt I am a worrier, but I think too often we lose sight of the fact that our calling is catastrophically huge, that thousands of people will be affected in a very real way by the decisions we make over the course of a career. Are we called to be basket cases? Definitely not. But we should be operate with respect for the trust people put in us and the power that's placed in our hands.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
God's Waiting Room
Whew. I feel like I just finished a marathon! Last time I posted, I was in the midst of Holy Week. It's been a rollercoaster ride to the "finish" line...perhaps a more appropriate title would be "pit stop." I've finished the semester of seminary, successfully officiated at 2 funerals, am planning my Sundays off for the summer, and have been asked to guest preach and/or lecture at 2 churches! I am honored to be asked, but I also feel a little guilty by it all...it means I'm away from "my" 2 churches and then have to find someone to fill in for me...NOT an easy task. Few people want to preach to 25 people, twice, in little country churches a million miles from anywhere. Oh the dilemmas.
Sooo...I'm done classes, but I have not yet received my grades. Some days, I could care less...I prefer the not knowing to having to deal with the outcomes. Other days, I am anxiously checking the online system to see if anything has been posted (yeah, right). I feel caught in the limbo stages. Or in math-y terms, the liminal stages. Or in theological terms, the "already, but not yet."
In a way, this waiting time is a lot like my call and my ministry. I have already been certified as a candidate for ordination, and already pastor 2 churches...but I have not yet been commissioned or ordained. The wait can be beautiful and agonizing at the same time. On the one hand, this is providing me with excellent time and space to mature and grow as both a person (I am "just" 23) and as a pastor/theologian. This is a blessing because I feel that I need this time, this holy time. But at the same time, it is frustrating. I have some authority as a DS Hire Student Pastor, but not a lot. I can "do" communion for my congregations...sort of. I have to have it preconsecrated (blessed) before I can serve it. But that is a tangent for another day. I have the authority to do a lot, but not everything.
I feel like I am always waiting....for something. I'm not always sure what though. In many ways, I sympathize with the disciples in Luke and Acts (same story, told twice in two different ways) during the ascention of Christ. The Church observes Ascension Day on Thursday of this week, and Ascension Sunday (for those of us who don't do an "extra" mid-week service) this coming Sunday. The disciples were wondering and waiting for Jerusalem to be restored. They were wondering and waiting for the return of Jesus Christ--whose return they thought was imminent. They were wondering and waiting for what would become of them and the other followers now that Jesus was "gone." They were wondering and waiting for the "advocate," the "helper" the Holy Spirit that Jesus promised them...it would not come for a little while longer. The disciples were living in this "limbo-liminal-already/but not yet" state.
This state is a common theme in Paul's letters in the New Testament...we see it in Galatians and Hebrews (among other places). I even saw some of it in Isaiah in the Hebrew Bible! Check out these books for on this...I can't do them justice by telling you about them.
Sooo...while frustrated in this "limbo-liminal-already/but not yet" state, I can appreciate it as holy time...holy waiting...it's God's timing and God's waiting room for me. And that is a blessing...because there is no one better to have on your side than God! I know that God will care for me, and I rest assured in that. Now...gonna go check grades one more time...oh wait! This is God's waiting room...
Sooo...I'm done classes, but I have not yet received my grades. Some days, I could care less...I prefer the not knowing to having to deal with the outcomes. Other days, I am anxiously checking the online system to see if anything has been posted (yeah, right). I feel caught in the limbo stages. Or in math-y terms, the liminal stages. Or in theological terms, the "already, but not yet."
In a way, this waiting time is a lot like my call and my ministry. I have already been certified as a candidate for ordination, and already pastor 2 churches...but I have not yet been commissioned or ordained. The wait can be beautiful and agonizing at the same time. On the one hand, this is providing me with excellent time and space to mature and grow as both a person (I am "just" 23) and as a pastor/theologian. This is a blessing because I feel that I need this time, this holy time. But at the same time, it is frustrating. I have some authority as a DS Hire Student Pastor, but not a lot. I can "do" communion for my congregations...sort of. I have to have it preconsecrated (blessed) before I can serve it. But that is a tangent for another day. I have the authority to do a lot, but not everything.
I feel like I am always waiting....for something. I'm not always sure what though. In many ways, I sympathize with the disciples in Luke and Acts (same story, told twice in two different ways) during the ascention of Christ. The Church observes Ascension Day on Thursday of this week, and Ascension Sunday (for those of us who don't do an "extra" mid-week service) this coming Sunday. The disciples were wondering and waiting for Jerusalem to be restored. They were wondering and waiting for the return of Jesus Christ--whose return they thought was imminent. They were wondering and waiting for what would become of them and the other followers now that Jesus was "gone." They were wondering and waiting for the "advocate," the "helper" the Holy Spirit that Jesus promised them...it would not come for a little while longer. The disciples were living in this "limbo-liminal-already/but not yet" state.
This state is a common theme in Paul's letters in the New Testament...we see it in Galatians and Hebrews (among other places). I even saw some of it in Isaiah in the Hebrew Bible! Check out these books for on this...I can't do them justice by telling you about them.
Sooo...while frustrated in this "limbo-liminal-already/but not yet" state, I can appreciate it as holy time...holy waiting...it's God's timing and God's waiting room for me. And that is a blessing...because there is no one better to have on your side than God! I know that God will care for me, and I rest assured in that. Now...gonna go check grades one more time...oh wait! This is God's waiting room...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Ennui Strikes Back
All that I remember of my life is being a professional student. I don't remember enough of my childhood to think of a time before school hit. Sure, I remember kindergarten. That's not full-time school, but it's still school. I'm 22 years old, running quickly into 23 this summer, and one word can summarize my life so far: school. I prefer to summarize it with "education" or "learning" or "wisdom" or "knowledge," or any of the other fancy words that we're supposed to grab on to, but all those things I've gotten in school. And yeah, I read and write a lot on my own time, but the only reason I have the motivation to do so is because of school.
The real crappy thing about school is that it doesn't last all year long. What a ridiculous thing to say, right? Who wants to go to school all year round? Well, I clearly do. I'll tell you why everyone should want to go to school longer.
For those who have made it to college or beyond, you'll know what I'm talking about. I mean, have you ever noticed that college level classes seem like a lot more work than anything you've ever done, but not necessarily any harder? And if it is harder, it's generally because there's just simply more to study for every exam or more research to do for every paper. And have you noticed that college level classes only meet once, twice, or three times a week for fifteen or sixteen weeks, while high school classes meet every day most of the time for eighteen or nineteen weeks (if you're in block scheduling)? For instance, my AP Calculus class in high school covered the same amount of material as my Calculus I class in college, but my college class covered it in four fewer weeks, meeting only three times a week for fifty minutes whereas my high school class met every day for ninety minutes. College = same work crammed into less time, much less time. End result = you work your butt off to make up for "lost" time, and then feel way more exhausted at the end of each semester than you ever would have in high school.
Now, I hope that I'm not taking for granted that everyone goes to college. I'm not. Circumstances are many that keep individuals from attending high school in many cases, let alone college. We must admit that we live in a lucky world if we can take elementary school for granted. To make a quick aside, if you are not able to take elementary school or any school for granted and you are reading this, Jesus says you are the salt of the Earth.
Ok, why am I talking about school? Like I said, all I know of life is being a professional student. I've had summer jobs and such and I feel like I've accomplished many things, but my job has been grinding into the books semester after semester. The experience has brought me into a close relationship with a state of being that probably everyone with a steady job experiences on a small scale but every day: ennui.
If you know old philosophy or "classic" European literature you will know that ennui was much talked about as something to avoid by anyone with a brain. Ennui is not exactly boredom or laziness, though they're a part of it, and it's not exactly restlessness, though that's a part of ennui as well. Ennui, in my own words, is when you're sitting around thinking to yourself, "What should I do with myself? I have no idea, but I really feel like I need to do something. Whatever can I do to fill up the time?????????????" It's when you don't know what to do with yourself, many times because you have nothing to do, and yet you feel a pull to fill up your time with something anything just please I don't want to sit here and not feel anything.
We live in a world that breeds ennui. Most people work long hours and come home every day feeling ennui beckoning them with a small voice. Every day one may come home and feel that they need to relax, but that they also need to fill their time with something enjoyable. When we get out of work we full this sort of emptiness in us that is sometimes painful and we feel as if we need to surround ourselves with people or things that can make us feel good to get rid of that feeling, that ennui. How do we do that? Television, sex, drinking parties, television, sex, drinking parties, exercising, television, sex, drinking parties, food, television, sex, drinking parties. Don't get me wrong, none of those things are inherently bad. I would argue that drinking parties are inherently bad, but drinking itself may not be. What goes wrong with any of these activities is when we use them to take up the empty space left in us when we're done working and have nothing to do.
For me, I feel ennui extra hard at the end of semesters. I don't have time to take breaks during the semester. I go to class and then whenever I'm not in class I'm doing homework. So when a semester is over I all of a sudden have lots of time, and I quickly slide downhill towards the pit. I fill up the time with things that I may not have had time to do before: hang out with a really beautiful girl, look at inappropriate images on the Internet, and look at more inappropriate images.
No activity should ever be engaged in simply because we feel as if we have to do something. Ennui strikes because there's something broken in us. Many people that love to work, strange as it seems to me, love to do so because then they always have something to do. They don't like feeling ennui, and their solution is to fill up their time with work. The issue is that not even the people who fill up their time with work to escape ennui solve the real problem. Certainly, those of us who escape ennui by engaging in instant gratification activities never solve the real problem because we jump from one entertaining thing to another, never stopping to confront that painful hole that is ennui. When we feel ennui, it doesn't mean that we're bored and need to do something, it means that there's something going on in our lives that we need to come to terms with.
Right now, for instance, I feel ennui in the few days after the Spring semester. I've done things I shouldn't have. Why? Well, one answer is that I had to do something quick to enjoy myself. I think of Madame Bovary here. The other, better answer is that I have not gone to God with my life. I am not talking to God or spending time with Him. I am not putting my concerns on Him in trust (I have an MRI tomorrow that I'm nervous about, and I clearly don't want to be nervous about it).
So what is the real issue? The real issue is that we don't have a holy rhythm. The weekends are hard for most of us because we're so used to working. And for those of us who have lots of work to do part of the year and no work other parts, having no rhythm is extra dangerous. We aren't used to waking up in the morning and spending half an hour to an hour in prayer with God. We aren't used to taking a walk in the middle of the day and praising God for the beauty that is life. We aren't used to reading Scripture when we have free time. We aren't used to writing letters or calling a friend for a long chat. Plain and simple, we just aren't used to putting in time to the relationships that really matter, especially with God. Some of us do put in lots of time to friendships and such but do so only to avoid ennui. We have to face ennui straight on and realize that the pain and emptiness we feel is the deep, central hole in us where God should be. God is the only eternal structure that we can build our lives around. Build a rhythm around Him, and place the temporary joys around Him. Don't make God a temporary fix, either. Don't go to God only when you feel lonely or some other form of ennui. Go to the Eternal Father at all times and make Him the center of your life, and then no lies of the world can strike you at your heart. Then you will find true joy, true happiness, true entertainment, and true love.
The real crappy thing about school is that it doesn't last all year long. What a ridiculous thing to say, right? Who wants to go to school all year round? Well, I clearly do. I'll tell you why everyone should want to go to school longer.
For those who have made it to college or beyond, you'll know what I'm talking about. I mean, have you ever noticed that college level classes seem like a lot more work than anything you've ever done, but not necessarily any harder? And if it is harder, it's generally because there's just simply more to study for every exam or more research to do for every paper. And have you noticed that college level classes only meet once, twice, or three times a week for fifteen or sixteen weeks, while high school classes meet every day most of the time for eighteen or nineteen weeks (if you're in block scheduling)? For instance, my AP Calculus class in high school covered the same amount of material as my Calculus I class in college, but my college class covered it in four fewer weeks, meeting only three times a week for fifty minutes whereas my high school class met every day for ninety minutes. College = same work crammed into less time, much less time. End result = you work your butt off to make up for "lost" time, and then feel way more exhausted at the end of each semester than you ever would have in high school.
Now, I hope that I'm not taking for granted that everyone goes to college. I'm not. Circumstances are many that keep individuals from attending high school in many cases, let alone college. We must admit that we live in a lucky world if we can take elementary school for granted. To make a quick aside, if you are not able to take elementary school or any school for granted and you are reading this, Jesus says you are the salt of the Earth.
Ok, why am I talking about school? Like I said, all I know of life is being a professional student. I've had summer jobs and such and I feel like I've accomplished many things, but my job has been grinding into the books semester after semester. The experience has brought me into a close relationship with a state of being that probably everyone with a steady job experiences on a small scale but every day: ennui.
If you know old philosophy or "classic" European literature you will know that ennui was much talked about as something to avoid by anyone with a brain. Ennui is not exactly boredom or laziness, though they're a part of it, and it's not exactly restlessness, though that's a part of ennui as well. Ennui, in my own words, is when you're sitting around thinking to yourself, "What should I do with myself? I have no idea, but I really feel like I need to do something. Whatever can I do to fill up the time?????????????" It's when you don't know what to do with yourself, many times because you have nothing to do, and yet you feel a pull to fill up your time with something anything just please I don't want to sit here and not feel anything.
We live in a world that breeds ennui. Most people work long hours and come home every day feeling ennui beckoning them with a small voice. Every day one may come home and feel that they need to relax, but that they also need to fill their time with something enjoyable. When we get out of work we full this sort of emptiness in us that is sometimes painful and we feel as if we need to surround ourselves with people or things that can make us feel good to get rid of that feeling, that ennui. How do we do that? Television, sex, drinking parties, television, sex, drinking parties, exercising, television, sex, drinking parties, food, television, sex, drinking parties. Don't get me wrong, none of those things are inherently bad. I would argue that drinking parties are inherently bad, but drinking itself may not be. What goes wrong with any of these activities is when we use them to take up the empty space left in us when we're done working and have nothing to do.
For me, I feel ennui extra hard at the end of semesters. I don't have time to take breaks during the semester. I go to class and then whenever I'm not in class I'm doing homework. So when a semester is over I all of a sudden have lots of time, and I quickly slide downhill towards the pit. I fill up the time with things that I may not have had time to do before: hang out with a really beautiful girl, look at inappropriate images on the Internet, and look at more inappropriate images.
No activity should ever be engaged in simply because we feel as if we have to do something. Ennui strikes because there's something broken in us. Many people that love to work, strange as it seems to me, love to do so because then they always have something to do. They don't like feeling ennui, and their solution is to fill up their time with work. The issue is that not even the people who fill up their time with work to escape ennui solve the real problem. Certainly, those of us who escape ennui by engaging in instant gratification activities never solve the real problem because we jump from one entertaining thing to another, never stopping to confront that painful hole that is ennui. When we feel ennui, it doesn't mean that we're bored and need to do something, it means that there's something going on in our lives that we need to come to terms with.
Right now, for instance, I feel ennui in the few days after the Spring semester. I've done things I shouldn't have. Why? Well, one answer is that I had to do something quick to enjoy myself. I think of Madame Bovary here. The other, better answer is that I have not gone to God with my life. I am not talking to God or spending time with Him. I am not putting my concerns on Him in trust (I have an MRI tomorrow that I'm nervous about, and I clearly don't want to be nervous about it).
So what is the real issue? The real issue is that we don't have a holy rhythm. The weekends are hard for most of us because we're so used to working. And for those of us who have lots of work to do part of the year and no work other parts, having no rhythm is extra dangerous. We aren't used to waking up in the morning and spending half an hour to an hour in prayer with God. We aren't used to taking a walk in the middle of the day and praising God for the beauty that is life. We aren't used to reading Scripture when we have free time. We aren't used to writing letters or calling a friend for a long chat. Plain and simple, we just aren't used to putting in time to the relationships that really matter, especially with God. Some of us do put in lots of time to friendships and such but do so only to avoid ennui. We have to face ennui straight on and realize that the pain and emptiness we feel is the deep, central hole in us where God should be. God is the only eternal structure that we can build our lives around. Build a rhythm around Him, and place the temporary joys around Him. Don't make God a temporary fix, either. Don't go to God only when you feel lonely or some other form of ennui. Go to the Eternal Father at all times and make Him the center of your life, and then no lies of the world can strike you at your heart. Then you will find true joy, true happiness, true entertainment, and true love.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Call to truth
I have just finished my first year of seminary. One-third of my theological education is now behind me and what a journey it has been so far. The passion I had for social justice has been magnified ten-fold. If I have taken anything from this semester it is that we as Christians must live out social justice and we must reach out to the oppressed and needy in all the ways we can. This is our calling “we love because he first loved us. Those who say 'I love God' and hate their brothers and sisters are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, can not love God whom they have not seen.” (1 John 4:19-20). This is our truth from Jesus Christ “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). The message of the Gospel is love and redemption two things I very much believe in. So in that spirit I have written this call to truth.
We are called to be a witness to that which we believe to be truth. Truth may cost us but that is what is demanded for the practitioners of faith. It is this push that may result in a violent push back but in that push back the victory is already won. Jesus came and was crucified in an act of violent push back. At first glance this may seem to make Jesus weak. As the story goes the powerful Roman Empire has destroyed the Savior who meant to bring redemption and if that was the end of the story it would be it would be defeat. But that is not because Jesus rose again on the third day. Jesus gave us the model for witness to truth and now we are called to witness. The time of sitting just back in our pews on Sunday mornings is over. We must continue to push back as the vocal minority until we find ourselves in the majority. Changing hearts and minds will not happen overnight but it will happen if we continue to speak up and speak out. If we truly begin to Believe Out Loud.
Today there is a powerful change underway, with a great amount of push back against inclusion of the LGBTQ community. But of people of faith are coming together and say enough is enough, our LGBTQ brothers and sisters have been treated as second class citizens for far too long. We all must join the chorus of voices crying this message. So I implore you, Speak Out. Come Out. Tell your stories. Because I tell you this truth, if we stand in solidarity we can and will create change and bring the world just a little closer to looking like the Kingdom of God it was intended to be.
We are called to be a witness to that which we believe to be truth. Truth may cost us but that is what is demanded for the practitioners of faith. It is this push that may result in a violent push back but in that push back the victory is already won. Jesus came and was crucified in an act of violent push back. At first glance this may seem to make Jesus weak. As the story goes the powerful Roman Empire has destroyed the Savior who meant to bring redemption and if that was the end of the story it would be it would be defeat. But that is not because Jesus rose again on the third day. Jesus gave us the model for witness to truth and now we are called to witness. The time of sitting just back in our pews on Sunday mornings is over. We must continue to push back as the vocal minority until we find ourselves in the majority. Changing hearts and minds will not happen overnight but it will happen if we continue to speak up and speak out. If we truly begin to Believe Out Loud.
Today there is a powerful change underway, with a great amount of push back against inclusion of the LGBTQ community. But of people of faith are coming together and say enough is enough, our LGBTQ brothers and sisters have been treated as second class citizens for far too long. We all must join the chorus of voices crying this message. So I implore you, Speak Out. Come Out. Tell your stories. Because I tell you this truth, if we stand in solidarity we can and will create change and bring the world just a little closer to looking like the Kingdom of God it was intended to be.
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