As a child, my mother would always encourage me to "dream big"--"The sky's the limit!' she would proclaim. I adopted that mindset and never thought of things I couldn't do...sure there are things I'm not very good at...but I never thought there were things that I couldn't do. Dream big...aim high..."Shoot for the moon, because if you miss, you'll still land among the stars." (Annonymous). This has been my mantra for years.
Recently though, I've been learning that some limitations are actually good. In recent weeks, I've been learning how to effectively pastor while navigating the muddy waters of church conflict. Some things are best handled "in-house"--like being screamed at and put down for my age/gender by a parishioner. Other things are best handed off to your superiors (and in this case, I don't mean God...I'm part of a denominational system that has some checks and balances...which sometimes are a pain, but other times help to provide a measure of protection)--things like my parsonage being in danger of collapsing (there is nothing holding up the floor upstairs...all the joists have been cut). This is one area that I am glad to hand off to someone...some limitations are good.
Yesterday was the annual Homecoming celebration for one of the churches I pastor. For them, it is a BIG deal...letters get mailed out, the potluck to end all potlucks is served, a guest preacher and musician are brought in...you get the idea. While we did get some new (and old!) visitors walking in the door, it wasn't quite as large and elaborate as I felt I had been led to believe. It was good...(and I particularly enjoyed not preaching for the first time in 38 weeks!), but I wasn't sure what to expect. Our guest preacher was the District Superintendent (AKA, my boss). At one point while we were leading the service, she leaned over to me and said, "I can sense the joy you have when leading worship. Also, I love how much hospitality undergirds all that you do." I was glad that she said something...and glad that the joy shines through...I really do get great joy out of leading worship! I am a strong proponent of "radical love, radical hospitality;" but I didn't know that it was that obvious when I was praying for our homebound members! Good...but something to think about. If that shines through, what remains hidden when I lead worship? What are my limitations?
Today, I discovered another limitation. I went to a pastoral care visit and almost passed out. This person was just released from the hospital after 4 months + after a bad accident on a farm. He is still facing more surgeries and being out of work for another year. He still might need to have a leg amputated. Only time will tell. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks, and we were catching up...he was telling me about the latest medical issues and describing the wounds. I have a strong stomach (seriously!), but for some reason, all of a sudden, I started to get flush, hot, felt the need to vomit and thought I was going to pass out. There was no air circulation in the room, and no where to sit down--the bed took up most of the space. Finally, I decided to just sink to the floor...I didn't want to pass out there! A few minutes later I felt a lot better...and the man didn't realize what had [almost] happened. (Thank God!)
I realized that I have limitations too...and sometimes I need to speak up for my needs, so that I can better care for the needs of others. The sky might be the limit...but this pastor has human limits too!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Atheists: Faith Doesn't Matter
One of the first questions I hear atheists asking in a discussion on faith is, "What if you're wrong?" That question is generally followed by, "Why do you deny yourself certain life pleasures just because your religion says so? Won't you feel like you missed out on a lot in life if you die and found out you're wrong? Since we can't know, we might as well enjoy ourselves as much as we can."
I can certainly answer by saying that we do know God exists, or respond by turning around and asking, "Yeah, but what if you're wrong? God will be pretty darn mad." I won't do that, though. Those responses are inconclusive and leave both parties saying, "Well, I guess it just comes down to what we believe and what we don't." Of course, everything comes down to whether we have faith or not. There's really no point in arguing for the existence of God or arguing in defense of faith because arguments won't convince anyone, only faith will.
I will argue in defense of the principles of religion, though. I'll do so because it doesn't matter if we as Christians are right. It doesn't matter if we believe in a God that doesn't actually exist. It doesn't matter if all of our religion, and all of other religions, were simply man-made creations. In short, it doesn't matter if we have faith or not, the principles of religion do matter and are good for us nonetheless.
Now, a lot of people might think I'm a terrible person for saying that faith doesn't matter in any way, shape or form, or in any context. Before I continue, then, I'll make clear that I'm not saying faith in God doesn't matter. It does. Without faith in God we have no reason to be in relationship with Him, and relationship with our Father in heaven is the only thing that will bring us the inner joy we're meant to experience. All I'm saying is that faith doesn't matter in the context of whether or not the principles of religion are right and good for us. I'm responding to the question, "What if you're wrong?" And my answer is, "It doesn't matter if I'm wrong. I'm still living the best possible way."
First of all, I'm not living up to the principles of my religion, I'm just trying really hard to. Secondly, what do I mean by the principles of my religion? I mean those principles we are told to live by, namely the Ten Commandments, loving all our brothers and sisters on this earth, sexual morality, and loving God, ourselves, and others above all else, which in some denominations means no drinking alcohol, giving significant time and money to serving the poor and oppressed, avoiding gluttony, avoiding bad/immoral speech, and spending time in prayer and devotion. Personally I believe all those principles should be included in every denomination.
Sexual morality is a big one in there. It's most often in regards to sex that people ask, "What's wrong with you? What if you're wrong?" I'm sure sex is extremely pleasurable, but my faith tells me to wait until I'm married. And if I don't marry, no sex. Even for those who haven't had sex it's oftentimes hard for people to imagine how one can go through life purposely retaining one's virginity. Generally, people who aren't guided by faith couldn't care less.
I tell you, though, that regardless of whether you have faith or not, the principles of religion will increase the amount of peace and joy in your life. God doesn't want to deny us anything that would be good for us, He wants the best for us. The best for us, as individuals and as a community, includes all the things I listed above.
In terms of sex: females especially feel an incredible amount of turmoil that she wouldn't have ordinarily if a relationship ends that was sexually active. Whether we want to admit it or not, we give of ourselves a little bit to every sexual partner we have. So when that person is no longer in our lives, we've lost something. Furthermore, every time we engage in sexual activities with someone we don't love with our entire being we degrade the act of sex. Obviously you can say that doesn't matter because it still feels good. Sure, it still feels good, but having sex with your spouse will not be nearly as special as it should be if you have already had sex. Why does that matter? Well, from Genesis to Jesus we're told that man and woman are meant to be one flesh. Marriage is what reunites us together, man and woman, and transforms us into one being, our total being. Some of us are called to remain single, but for the rest of us only marriage can fulfill us. If we experience elements of marriage before we're actually married then that union cannot be truly complete.
If you've had sex before marriage, I'm not condemning you. I'm not trying to make you hopeless. What I'm saying is that the things that God has told us to do are what will bring us the most peace, joy, and contentment in the long run. We shouldn't live righteously simply because we believe in God and He tells us to. We shouldn't live righteously simply to make our separation from others more clear. No, we should live rightly because it's good for us. That's why God has worked so hard to tell us to live a certain way. If we do, we'll be more at more peace with our life. Faith doesn't matter. Living rightly, in the manner that Christians say we should, is always the best thing for us, even when it doesn't seem good at all. It's not best for us just because we have faith.
The thing is, though, that same peace and contentment can simply come from having faith and a relationship with our Father. In that sense, faith does matter. Others who don't believe must follow the law closely to be righteous and find the same peace that we receive simply by having a relationship with our loving and forgiving Father in heaven.
I can certainly answer by saying that we do know God exists, or respond by turning around and asking, "Yeah, but what if you're wrong? God will be pretty darn mad." I won't do that, though. Those responses are inconclusive and leave both parties saying, "Well, I guess it just comes down to what we believe and what we don't." Of course, everything comes down to whether we have faith or not. There's really no point in arguing for the existence of God or arguing in defense of faith because arguments won't convince anyone, only faith will.
I will argue in defense of the principles of religion, though. I'll do so because it doesn't matter if we as Christians are right. It doesn't matter if we believe in a God that doesn't actually exist. It doesn't matter if all of our religion, and all of other religions, were simply man-made creations. In short, it doesn't matter if we have faith or not, the principles of religion do matter and are good for us nonetheless.
Now, a lot of people might think I'm a terrible person for saying that faith doesn't matter in any way, shape or form, or in any context. Before I continue, then, I'll make clear that I'm not saying faith in God doesn't matter. It does. Without faith in God we have no reason to be in relationship with Him, and relationship with our Father in heaven is the only thing that will bring us the inner joy we're meant to experience. All I'm saying is that faith doesn't matter in the context of whether or not the principles of religion are right and good for us. I'm responding to the question, "What if you're wrong?" And my answer is, "It doesn't matter if I'm wrong. I'm still living the best possible way."
First of all, I'm not living up to the principles of my religion, I'm just trying really hard to. Secondly, what do I mean by the principles of my religion? I mean those principles we are told to live by, namely the Ten Commandments, loving all our brothers and sisters on this earth, sexual morality, and loving God, ourselves, and others above all else, which in some denominations means no drinking alcohol, giving significant time and money to serving the poor and oppressed, avoiding gluttony, avoiding bad/immoral speech, and spending time in prayer and devotion. Personally I believe all those principles should be included in every denomination.
Sexual morality is a big one in there. It's most often in regards to sex that people ask, "What's wrong with you? What if you're wrong?" I'm sure sex is extremely pleasurable, but my faith tells me to wait until I'm married. And if I don't marry, no sex. Even for those who haven't had sex it's oftentimes hard for people to imagine how one can go through life purposely retaining one's virginity. Generally, people who aren't guided by faith couldn't care less.
I tell you, though, that regardless of whether you have faith or not, the principles of religion will increase the amount of peace and joy in your life. God doesn't want to deny us anything that would be good for us, He wants the best for us. The best for us, as individuals and as a community, includes all the things I listed above.
In terms of sex: females especially feel an incredible amount of turmoil that she wouldn't have ordinarily if a relationship ends that was sexually active. Whether we want to admit it or not, we give of ourselves a little bit to every sexual partner we have. So when that person is no longer in our lives, we've lost something. Furthermore, every time we engage in sexual activities with someone we don't love with our entire being we degrade the act of sex. Obviously you can say that doesn't matter because it still feels good. Sure, it still feels good, but having sex with your spouse will not be nearly as special as it should be if you have already had sex. Why does that matter? Well, from Genesis to Jesus we're told that man and woman are meant to be one flesh. Marriage is what reunites us together, man and woman, and transforms us into one being, our total being. Some of us are called to remain single, but for the rest of us only marriage can fulfill us. If we experience elements of marriage before we're actually married then that union cannot be truly complete.
If you've had sex before marriage, I'm not condemning you. I'm not trying to make you hopeless. What I'm saying is that the things that God has told us to do are what will bring us the most peace, joy, and contentment in the long run. We shouldn't live righteously simply because we believe in God and He tells us to. We shouldn't live righteously simply to make our separation from others more clear. No, we should live rightly because it's good for us. That's why God has worked so hard to tell us to live a certain way. If we do, we'll be more at more peace with our life. Faith doesn't matter. Living rightly, in the manner that Christians say we should, is always the best thing for us, even when it doesn't seem good at all. It's not best for us just because we have faith.
The thing is, though, that same peace and contentment can simply come from having faith and a relationship with our Father. In that sense, faith does matter. Others who don't believe must follow the law closely to be righteous and find the same peace that we receive simply by having a relationship with our loving and forgiving Father in heaven.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Catholic Church
The Roman Catholic Church is perhaps the most antagonized denomination in Christianity, perhaps the most antagonized element of all religion. Many of Rome's positions upset our social understandings of equality, rights, or tolerance. Simply, they're not progressive enough. And the amount of control exercised in the Roman Catholic hierarchy is often terrifying, especially to those of us who live in the United States where individual liberty is such a highly respected ideal.
What the Roman Catholic Church as going for it, though, is that its members are committed to a universal church of the faithful. Many Catholic congregants will privately tell you that they disagree with this and that position of the Pope but they will still live within the doctrines of the Church out of respect for the church universal, the worldwide faithful, which includes the many mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers of the faithful who have long since passed away from our earthly world. Public indignation and open disobedience toward the Roman Catholic Church are very rarely displayed by its own members.
I am not writing in favor of the Roman Catholic Church, though I could do that if I so chose. Instead, I'm writing in favor of the catholic church, the little c version. The catholic church as in the church universal. I am a United Methodist, so my discussion will reflect issues harboring in the United Methodist church, but one could probably insert another denomination of choice whenever I say, "United Methodist."
The United Methodist Church, as with all denominations, asks of us our commitment to the church universal. Many in the church take that to mean public and indignant disapproval of the United Methodist Discipline (the book of our doctrines and practices) that amounts to intellectual, if not actual and physical, disobedience to the foundational and guiding document of our faith, not to mention the tradition handed down to us from our faithful mothers and fathers. Our particular difficulty at the moment is the acceptance of homosexuality. Personally I affirm what the Discipline currently says on the issue, which is that while we no doubt should love and welcome homosexuals, the practice of homosexuality is "incompatible with Christian teaching." That decision has been reached through the reflective discussion of a community of the faithful throughout history.
I want to be clear. I'm not in favor of an unchanging, unquestionable human structure that calls itself "religion" in the name of control, especially a control that is oppressive or unjust. Our faith in Christ calls us to love and equality. Even so, when we speak and act out against the church we have committed to and devoted our membership to, we need to be careful.
We first need to be careful because if we commit to our own arrogance that we individually know better than the church united throughout history, our attitude and position threatens to divide the church irreparably and create the Once-United Methodist Church. Our mission is to be faithful disciples of Christ. Perhaps unfortunately, we don't unanimously agree on how to be faithful disciples. Let us not assume that "clearly" the United Methodist Church's doctrines should change because they are currently somehow inadequate. Let us not assume that "clearly" where we individually see the United Methodist Church lacking that all other members should or do see things our way. We must seek improvement in Christian brotherhood and sisterhood, gently and calmly, so that the Holy Spirit has room to move. Perhaps we who seek improvement in our church's doctrines and practices are wrong. If we seek improvement gently, then the Spirit has the opportunity to tell us that, in fact, the current doctrines of the church are the reflection of God's call for His people. In the same way, if improvements are sought gently (and resistance to change performed gently) then changes are much less likely to create a new branch of the church. And we who agree with the current iteration of the Discipline should take any changes with a calm spirit, believing that discussions done in a gentle spirit will always reflect the wishes and calling of God.
We should also be careful, and here I would like to add some emphasis, because of the existence of our Holy Scriptures. If we believe that changes should be made to the United Methodist Church, what basis do we have? Are we saying that changes need to be made to keep up with the trends of society? Has society shown us better ways to incorporate love and wholeness into our lives than Scripture does? Is Scripture inadequate? Are we saying that the 2,000 year history of Christian churches have gotten it wrong and suddenly the cultures of the last half-century have found a better way of living? Yes, appropriate changes to our faith have been made so that our churches and our individual understandings are more in tune with Scripture. But by changing our stance on homosexuality, are we becoming any more faithful to the witness of God through Christ?
Again, our interpretations of Scripture invariably differ. But Christ does say that marriage is between a man and a woman to become one flesh, a repetition of our Genesis story. If Christ is wrong, if St. Paul and our other biblical witnesses are all wrong, then how do we determine authority? When do we say Scripture is a faithful witness of God's call to our lives and when it's not? Who gets to make that decision?
You see, the second we say that Christ got something wrong, we run into issues of authority. We then put our own individual and cultural understandings above the text we all have said, as Christians, to be our primary witness. Let's not worship the Bible. But let's take it seriously.
Changes may need to be made to the United Methodist Church and other denominations, but we need to be careful. We need to be slow and gentle, letting the Holy Spirit guide us. And we need to consider what source is guiding our inspiration: society or Scripture, personal convictions or revelation of God. Most of all, we need to understand the importance of a catholic church. I will not say, "If you don't like it, find a denomination that will." Our personal convictions and varying compromises with society have led to enough division in our catholic church that has damaged our credibility to the world and our sense of familial love.
What the Roman Catholic Church as going for it, though, is that its members are committed to a universal church of the faithful. Many Catholic congregants will privately tell you that they disagree with this and that position of the Pope but they will still live within the doctrines of the Church out of respect for the church universal, the worldwide faithful, which includes the many mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers of the faithful who have long since passed away from our earthly world. Public indignation and open disobedience toward the Roman Catholic Church are very rarely displayed by its own members.
I am not writing in favor of the Roman Catholic Church, though I could do that if I so chose. Instead, I'm writing in favor of the catholic church, the little c version. The catholic church as in the church universal. I am a United Methodist, so my discussion will reflect issues harboring in the United Methodist church, but one could probably insert another denomination of choice whenever I say, "United Methodist."
The United Methodist Church, as with all denominations, asks of us our commitment to the church universal. Many in the church take that to mean public and indignant disapproval of the United Methodist Discipline (the book of our doctrines and practices) that amounts to intellectual, if not actual and physical, disobedience to the foundational and guiding document of our faith, not to mention the tradition handed down to us from our faithful mothers and fathers. Our particular difficulty at the moment is the acceptance of homosexuality. Personally I affirm what the Discipline currently says on the issue, which is that while we no doubt should love and welcome homosexuals, the practice of homosexuality is "incompatible with Christian teaching." That decision has been reached through the reflective discussion of a community of the faithful throughout history.
I want to be clear. I'm not in favor of an unchanging, unquestionable human structure that calls itself "religion" in the name of control, especially a control that is oppressive or unjust. Our faith in Christ calls us to love and equality. Even so, when we speak and act out against the church we have committed to and devoted our membership to, we need to be careful.
We first need to be careful because if we commit to our own arrogance that we individually know better than the church united throughout history, our attitude and position threatens to divide the church irreparably and create the Once-United Methodist Church. Our mission is to be faithful disciples of Christ. Perhaps unfortunately, we don't unanimously agree on how to be faithful disciples. Let us not assume that "clearly" the United Methodist Church's doctrines should change because they are currently somehow inadequate. Let us not assume that "clearly" where we individually see the United Methodist Church lacking that all other members should or do see things our way. We must seek improvement in Christian brotherhood and sisterhood, gently and calmly, so that the Holy Spirit has room to move. Perhaps we who seek improvement in our church's doctrines and practices are wrong. If we seek improvement gently, then the Spirit has the opportunity to tell us that, in fact, the current doctrines of the church are the reflection of God's call for His people. In the same way, if improvements are sought gently (and resistance to change performed gently) then changes are much less likely to create a new branch of the church. And we who agree with the current iteration of the Discipline should take any changes with a calm spirit, believing that discussions done in a gentle spirit will always reflect the wishes and calling of God.
We should also be careful, and here I would like to add some emphasis, because of the existence of our Holy Scriptures. If we believe that changes should be made to the United Methodist Church, what basis do we have? Are we saying that changes need to be made to keep up with the trends of society? Has society shown us better ways to incorporate love and wholeness into our lives than Scripture does? Is Scripture inadequate? Are we saying that the 2,000 year history of Christian churches have gotten it wrong and suddenly the cultures of the last half-century have found a better way of living? Yes, appropriate changes to our faith have been made so that our churches and our individual understandings are more in tune with Scripture. But by changing our stance on homosexuality, are we becoming any more faithful to the witness of God through Christ?
Again, our interpretations of Scripture invariably differ. But Christ does say that marriage is between a man and a woman to become one flesh, a repetition of our Genesis story. If Christ is wrong, if St. Paul and our other biblical witnesses are all wrong, then how do we determine authority? When do we say Scripture is a faithful witness of God's call to our lives and when it's not? Who gets to make that decision?
You see, the second we say that Christ got something wrong, we run into issues of authority. We then put our own individual and cultural understandings above the text we all have said, as Christians, to be our primary witness. Let's not worship the Bible. But let's take it seriously.
Changes may need to be made to the United Methodist Church and other denominations, but we need to be careful. We need to be slow and gentle, letting the Holy Spirit guide us. And we need to consider what source is guiding our inspiration: society or Scripture, personal convictions or revelation of God. Most of all, we need to understand the importance of a catholic church. I will not say, "If you don't like it, find a denomination that will." Our personal convictions and varying compromises with society have led to enough division in our catholic church that has damaged our credibility to the world and our sense of familial love.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Taking a Break...
It's been a while since I've posted. I've been busy--I took 3 summer classes, each in an "intensive" format (a semester's worth of material condensed into 2 or 3 weeks). It was exhausting. I thoroughly enjoyed each of my classes (Sociology of Religion, United Methodist History, United Methodist Doctrine), but especially in the third class--Doctrine--I struggled to absorb and internalize the material. I was able to regurgitate the info, but I didn't have enough time to do some thoughtful reflection on what I truly believe--do I agree with this?
The day after class ended, I preached on Sunday (as usual), and then headed off to West River Center for a week of fun in the heat and sun with 17 campers ranging in age from 4th to 7th grades. I also had 4 volunteer high schoolers as "Counselors-in-Training" (CITs), and 5 college or post-college aged counselors...although not all of them were able to be there for the whole week. All of the counseling staff were amazing! We had great chemistry and were able to have fun after the kids went to bed with activities like "noodle wars" or "noodle archery" :)
I was the leader of this "unruly" group. And it was absolutely amazing! The campers never fail to teach me about faith--this time around, they reminded me what a blessing worship is. They had the chance to go swimming, tubing, climb a wall, ride a giant swing, shoot some arrows at archery, play games, canoe, eat s'mores at a campfire, sing crazy songs, run around and have fun...but their favorite activity was worship! They wanted to stay in worship all night and all day! What a blessing!
While we were there, there were also a few cabins of campers (middle and high schoolers) who were at camp for a week for free. This was a chance for these kids to get away from city life...where each one had experienced violence...and into a safe environment where they could experience the love of God. The campers from the different groups clashed a lot the first few days...they came from very different cultural backgrounds. But by the end of the week, all of them were mingling, eating together, helping one another, and truly being the Body of Christ--all by their own choice.
I came back from a week of little sleep, shared showers and grody-ness, refreshed, rejuvenated and energized to continue ministry. My time at camp was my sabbath time. I realized how much I had needed a break.
I do this fairly often...I don't realize I'm getting burned out until I come back from something that renews me. Taking sabbath time is difficult for me--it always has been--but is tricky now, because I go to school 3 days per week, lead worship, etc. on Sundays, lead Bible Study and take care of church meetings another day, do sermon/worship-prep another day, and homework the last day. I don't have a lot of spare time. I try to remember to take sabbath time each day, since I can't get a full day at one time. But that doesn't always work. Taking off a Sunday is hard when the churches you serve don't want to let you go...or count time that you are preaching elsewhere as your "vacation." And as every preacher will tell you...you can't go on vacation during the week and still be expected to preach on Sunday morning (or whenever you worship).
I've been hearing from folks a lot lately that I need to take better care of myself...for years I've had "lectures" from a couple of mentors about saying "no" to things, getting enough sleep, exercising and eating right...all the stuff we all know to do, but sometimes let slip. My Staff-Parish Chair has been getting on my case recently too. But it's hard to say that the congregations are part of the problem. Recently, my Staff-Parish Chair and one of my mentors met for the first time...and the three of us will be working together for the next 2 years in a "learning team" to maximize the educational benefit of my serving a parish. They told me that one of my learning goals must be "self-care" and I got a stern look from my mentor, who said, "And we WILL be talking about self-care...you're not going to get out of this," right before we drove off in separate cars. Another friend was getting on my case when I was telling her about this story.
I know in my head that I need to take care of myself...and I do a better job than I used to...but why is it sooo hard to put self-care into practice? Why do I resist it so much? I know that in order to care for my congregations, I need to care for myself. I understand. But somehow, there is a disconnect between the brain and the actions. Sometimes, I force myself to go out and walk...because I'm afraid of the wrath of my mentor more than I care about the exercise. *Sigh* As I begin a new academic year, I really do need to remember to take a break...
Will you journey with me on this quest for sabbath time? Will you hold me accountable even if I resist? Sabbath time...either from Genesis (God rested on the 7th day) or Deuteronomy (5:12-15--to be used to remember God's deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt and slavery)...it doesn't matter...the regular rhythm of work and rest is key to a healthy body and a healthy spirituality...even Jesus pulled away for rest and renewal. Why do I value myself less than that? And what does that say about me and my self-esteem? I need to take a break...
The day after class ended, I preached on Sunday (as usual), and then headed off to West River Center for a week of fun in the heat and sun with 17 campers ranging in age from 4th to 7th grades. I also had 4 volunteer high schoolers as "Counselors-in-Training" (CITs), and 5 college or post-college aged counselors...although not all of them were able to be there for the whole week. All of the counseling staff were amazing! We had great chemistry and were able to have fun after the kids went to bed with activities like "noodle wars" or "noodle archery" :)
I was the leader of this "unruly" group. And it was absolutely amazing! The campers never fail to teach me about faith--this time around, they reminded me what a blessing worship is. They had the chance to go swimming, tubing, climb a wall, ride a giant swing, shoot some arrows at archery, play games, canoe, eat s'mores at a campfire, sing crazy songs, run around and have fun...but their favorite activity was worship! They wanted to stay in worship all night and all day! What a blessing!
While we were there, there were also a few cabins of campers (middle and high schoolers) who were at camp for a week for free. This was a chance for these kids to get away from city life...where each one had experienced violence...and into a safe environment where they could experience the love of God. The campers from the different groups clashed a lot the first few days...they came from very different cultural backgrounds. But by the end of the week, all of them were mingling, eating together, helping one another, and truly being the Body of Christ--all by their own choice.
I came back from a week of little sleep, shared showers and grody-ness, refreshed, rejuvenated and energized to continue ministry. My time at camp was my sabbath time. I realized how much I had needed a break.
I do this fairly often...I don't realize I'm getting burned out until I come back from something that renews me. Taking sabbath time is difficult for me--it always has been--but is tricky now, because I go to school 3 days per week, lead worship, etc. on Sundays, lead Bible Study and take care of church meetings another day, do sermon/worship-prep another day, and homework the last day. I don't have a lot of spare time. I try to remember to take sabbath time each day, since I can't get a full day at one time. But that doesn't always work. Taking off a Sunday is hard when the churches you serve don't want to let you go...or count time that you are preaching elsewhere as your "vacation." And as every preacher will tell you...you can't go on vacation during the week and still be expected to preach on Sunday morning (or whenever you worship).
I've been hearing from folks a lot lately that I need to take better care of myself...for years I've had "lectures" from a couple of mentors about saying "no" to things, getting enough sleep, exercising and eating right...all the stuff we all know to do, but sometimes let slip. My Staff-Parish Chair has been getting on my case recently too. But it's hard to say that the congregations are part of the problem. Recently, my Staff-Parish Chair and one of my mentors met for the first time...and the three of us will be working together for the next 2 years in a "learning team" to maximize the educational benefit of my serving a parish. They told me that one of my learning goals must be "self-care" and I got a stern look from my mentor, who said, "And we WILL be talking about self-care...you're not going to get out of this," right before we drove off in separate cars. Another friend was getting on my case when I was telling her about this story.
I know in my head that I need to take care of myself...and I do a better job than I used to...but why is it sooo hard to put self-care into practice? Why do I resist it so much? I know that in order to care for my congregations, I need to care for myself. I understand. But somehow, there is a disconnect between the brain and the actions. Sometimes, I force myself to go out and walk...because I'm afraid of the wrath of my mentor more than I care about the exercise. *Sigh* As I begin a new academic year, I really do need to remember to take a break...
Will you journey with me on this quest for sabbath time? Will you hold me accountable even if I resist? Sabbath time...either from Genesis (God rested on the 7th day) or Deuteronomy (5:12-15--to be used to remember God's deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt and slavery)...it doesn't matter...the regular rhythm of work and rest is key to a healthy body and a healthy spirituality...even Jesus pulled away for rest and renewal. Why do I value myself less than that? And what does that say about me and my self-esteem? I need to take a break...
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Bike Journey
I must admit, most of what I'm saying here was stolen from a conversation I had with the pastor that I'm currently interning for at University UMC at College Park. Regardless, everything is an original thought, just for you, my beloved readers.
As most young males my age who grew up riding a bike, coming into maturity brings a crisis. Do I continue riding a one-speed, BMX bike as I have all my life and just deal with how bad they are in terms of speed and distance, do I stop riding a bike altogether, or do I invest lots of money in a road or mountain bike? Unless you are one of the rare few who can make a living racing or doing tricks on a BMX bike, this question is almost universal to all young males who ever owned a bike.
Most people choose to give up riding a bike altogether. BMX bikes are too slow and too hard to ride more than a couple of miles if hills are involved. The comfort and convenience of a car is clearly preferred. But some of us are dedicated to saving the environment, or getting as much exercise as possible, or having our own physical effort blow wind in our face and give us the rush of flying down a hill.
For the second group (which obviously can and often does include females. I talk of young males simply because riding a BMX bike is often a sign of "cool"ness in our younger years and most of us in suburbia own a bike at some point in our lives), riding a bike becomes a somewhat serious endeavor. There are some of those really dedicated riders who buy special riding clothes and go out for 40 mile bike rides simply to have "fun." Honestly, I will never be one of those people. I sweat too profusely for that to ever be enjoyable and I don't like pushing my body to its limits. Riding a bike is extremely enjoyable, though. But to get to a point where you can ride 10, 15, 20, 25 miles in one sitting, you have to possess some riding skill.
For me, my love of God's Creation is what convinces me to hop on my bike whenever possible. Others really love getting exercise. Mountain bikers live for the top of a mountain (or, for the really adventurous, they live for the bottom of a mountain). Having a real solid motivation for finishing out the bike ride is the first key, the first element to riding skill. Without a firm belief in what you're doing you'll never finish. The same is true in this life of faith. If we don't spend the time talking to God and reflecting on our relationship with Him, and truly enjoying our time with Him, then our faith will be the first thing to run into trouble when our life finds a crisis to wallow in. We could probably say that about any relationship, let alone our relationship with God. If we think we love a girlfriend or boyfriend but haven't ensured that our love is true, solid, and whole, then we better watch out for the first fight. If you want to have a meaningful, peaceful, joyful relationship with God, don't take it for granted. There is no way I could have survived my 20 mile bike ride the other day if I had simply one day woken up and decided to start riding a bike instead of driving my car. Every time I get on my bike (Cato is his name) I ask myself if saving the environment really means enough for me to tire out my body. I take a few minutes of silence, and if the answer isn't a very firm yes, I just don't go out that day. We've got to really want our relationship with God. It's a two-way street, and we have to do our part, we have to put in our time. It wouldn't matter how much I care about the environment if I didn't put time and effort into doing something about it, because if I didn't, I'd still be doing my part to destroy our lovely home.
The faith lessons we can learn from riding a bike don't stop there. Those of you who don't do much biking may be able to understand the need for a real solid motivation when biking. The thought of riding long distances can be intimidating, so clearly one needs an unwavering motivation. The other elements of biking skills may need to be taken on trust. If that is the case, I promise you can trust me.
Maybe I'm the only one who watches the Tour de France. If you ever have, though, you may have been confused by some of the announcers' comments, such as, "So and so has better mechanics than such and such." At first I asked, "All they are doing is pedaling. Isn't the only difference how powerful their legs are?" With more experience I realized that's not at all a good question. Particularly with mountain biking, balance is absolutely essential. You don't want to hit a tree stump or fall unexpectedly into a ditch with an off-balance bike. Trust me, the results aren't pretty. Even with road biking, though, if you don't keep the bike balanced you lose a lot of energy. Often bikers will pedal as hard as they can and the bike will lean back and forth, as if it were on a pendulum. I don't mean that the bike isn't going straight. The biker just lets the bike tilt from a lean toward the left pedal, then the right pedal, then the left, so on. One can hardly blame the biker for doing that. It's easier to push down hard on the pedal when you lean to one side. But if you were to pedal with the same rhythm and strength without leaning at all, you'd find that you can ride the same distance faster and without exerting the same amount of energy.
Let's think about that real quick. Without balance, it doesn't matter how hard the biker pedals, they will always lose speed and energy. Interesting. I bet you can see where I'm going with this. Yes, obviously, leg muscles are a huge factor in biking fast and far, but without balance you won't ever reach your full potential. And without balance, you'll always finish the ride totally exhausted. Balance is necessary in our faith journey as well. You'll lose steam if you push hard in one area of your life to the exclusion of others, and then push hard in some other area of your life, and then push hard in yet another, all the while focusing with all your available energy on only one area of your life. That will tire you out quickly and require lots of rejuvenation... or might lead some to drop certain activities when it's not necessary to do so. Balance all things, knowing that God is pleased and with us when we are calm and centered. When we've been riding for an hour or more balance is hard to come by. We want to put everything we have into every pedal and that means leaning a bit, if not a lot. That's another spot where a solid motivation keeps us going. At the ironic moment when we think we can't go any longer and start riding in such a way that drains us of our energy even faster, a solid motivation can solidify our concentration and focus to allow us to remain balanced even when we're exhausted because instead of thinking, "Geez, I just need to get through this," we're thinking, "I'm doing this for all the right reasons, so I'm getting at least some pleasure from this pain."
One last comment on the lessons of bike riding. I could go on for a lot longer on the subject, but I won't. I'll let you hop on your own bike and reflect on it. Here we go. On a road or mountain bike, the higher gear means it will be harder to pedal, but it also means that each rotation of the pedals takes you farther. Sort of like a car: 2,500 revolutions per minute in 2nd gear doesn't result in as high a speed as 2,500 rpm in 4th gear. The problem with driving a car, though, is that we as the driver aren't necessarily privy to how much harder 4th gear is on the car. On a bike it's hard to miss the difference. 7th gear is much harder than 3rd gear. Most people hop on a bike, realize that the first few gears are easy and not letting them feel the wind on their face, and push into 6th, 7th, 8th gears. At first they feel a little stress in their legs but think it's no big deal. After five minutes they start thinking differently. Granted, they may have reached some high speeds, but the tortoise wins the race. If you're feeling pain in your legs you better be near the end of your ride or get in a lower gear. High speeds are only temporary if you can't do it with some ease. Clearly, then, we must learn to slow down. No matter how sure we are that we are called by God to a certain project or lifestyle, we must bike the race at a pace comfortable to us until we can build up some endurance, or else we'll burn out too quickly and take decades rather than a few years to achieve goals. Over a thirty mile trek, someone riding at a speed at the cusp of what's comfortable for them will always arrive before someone riding as fast as their legs will allow at all times. The latter will need a thousand breaks and eventually even a 3rd or 2nd gear may bring immense pain. Let's learn to love the length of life God has given us. He wouldn't call us to a task that we don't have time for. So let's take our time, be comfortable, enjoy the sights, and love our conversations along the way. And also, let us know that God wants to spend time with us without demanding that we accomplish certain tasks to earn His love. Whatever we are called to, it's so others may know how much God loves them, not so that He will love us for doing something good.
I encourage you to get on a bike. Sweat a little. Pretend you're Lance Armstrong. Feel your legs ache. Save God's Creation. Most of all, though, get on the bike and reflect on how it's a mini-metaphor for our life with God. Maybe you can even think of the bike you ride as God, if it helps. Peace.
As most young males my age who grew up riding a bike, coming into maturity brings a crisis. Do I continue riding a one-speed, BMX bike as I have all my life and just deal with how bad they are in terms of speed and distance, do I stop riding a bike altogether, or do I invest lots of money in a road or mountain bike? Unless you are one of the rare few who can make a living racing or doing tricks on a BMX bike, this question is almost universal to all young males who ever owned a bike.
Most people choose to give up riding a bike altogether. BMX bikes are too slow and too hard to ride more than a couple of miles if hills are involved. The comfort and convenience of a car is clearly preferred. But some of us are dedicated to saving the environment, or getting as much exercise as possible, or having our own physical effort blow wind in our face and give us the rush of flying down a hill.
For the second group (which obviously can and often does include females. I talk of young males simply because riding a BMX bike is often a sign of "cool"ness in our younger years and most of us in suburbia own a bike at some point in our lives), riding a bike becomes a somewhat serious endeavor. There are some of those really dedicated riders who buy special riding clothes and go out for 40 mile bike rides simply to have "fun." Honestly, I will never be one of those people. I sweat too profusely for that to ever be enjoyable and I don't like pushing my body to its limits. Riding a bike is extremely enjoyable, though. But to get to a point where you can ride 10, 15, 20, 25 miles in one sitting, you have to possess some riding skill.
For me, my love of God's Creation is what convinces me to hop on my bike whenever possible. Others really love getting exercise. Mountain bikers live for the top of a mountain (or, for the really adventurous, they live for the bottom of a mountain). Having a real solid motivation for finishing out the bike ride is the first key, the first element to riding skill. Without a firm belief in what you're doing you'll never finish. The same is true in this life of faith. If we don't spend the time talking to God and reflecting on our relationship with Him, and truly enjoying our time with Him, then our faith will be the first thing to run into trouble when our life finds a crisis to wallow in. We could probably say that about any relationship, let alone our relationship with God. If we think we love a girlfriend or boyfriend but haven't ensured that our love is true, solid, and whole, then we better watch out for the first fight. If you want to have a meaningful, peaceful, joyful relationship with God, don't take it for granted. There is no way I could have survived my 20 mile bike ride the other day if I had simply one day woken up and decided to start riding a bike instead of driving my car. Every time I get on my bike (Cato is his name) I ask myself if saving the environment really means enough for me to tire out my body. I take a few minutes of silence, and if the answer isn't a very firm yes, I just don't go out that day. We've got to really want our relationship with God. It's a two-way street, and we have to do our part, we have to put in our time. It wouldn't matter how much I care about the environment if I didn't put time and effort into doing something about it, because if I didn't, I'd still be doing my part to destroy our lovely home.
The faith lessons we can learn from riding a bike don't stop there. Those of you who don't do much biking may be able to understand the need for a real solid motivation when biking. The thought of riding long distances can be intimidating, so clearly one needs an unwavering motivation. The other elements of biking skills may need to be taken on trust. If that is the case, I promise you can trust me.
Maybe I'm the only one who watches the Tour de France. If you ever have, though, you may have been confused by some of the announcers' comments, such as, "So and so has better mechanics than such and such." At first I asked, "All they are doing is pedaling. Isn't the only difference how powerful their legs are?" With more experience I realized that's not at all a good question. Particularly with mountain biking, balance is absolutely essential. You don't want to hit a tree stump or fall unexpectedly into a ditch with an off-balance bike. Trust me, the results aren't pretty. Even with road biking, though, if you don't keep the bike balanced you lose a lot of energy. Often bikers will pedal as hard as they can and the bike will lean back and forth, as if it were on a pendulum. I don't mean that the bike isn't going straight. The biker just lets the bike tilt from a lean toward the left pedal, then the right pedal, then the left, so on. One can hardly blame the biker for doing that. It's easier to push down hard on the pedal when you lean to one side. But if you were to pedal with the same rhythm and strength without leaning at all, you'd find that you can ride the same distance faster and without exerting the same amount of energy.
Let's think about that real quick. Without balance, it doesn't matter how hard the biker pedals, they will always lose speed and energy. Interesting. I bet you can see where I'm going with this. Yes, obviously, leg muscles are a huge factor in biking fast and far, but without balance you won't ever reach your full potential. And without balance, you'll always finish the ride totally exhausted. Balance is necessary in our faith journey as well. You'll lose steam if you push hard in one area of your life to the exclusion of others, and then push hard in some other area of your life, and then push hard in yet another, all the while focusing with all your available energy on only one area of your life. That will tire you out quickly and require lots of rejuvenation... or might lead some to drop certain activities when it's not necessary to do so. Balance all things, knowing that God is pleased and with us when we are calm and centered. When we've been riding for an hour or more balance is hard to come by. We want to put everything we have into every pedal and that means leaning a bit, if not a lot. That's another spot where a solid motivation keeps us going. At the ironic moment when we think we can't go any longer and start riding in such a way that drains us of our energy even faster, a solid motivation can solidify our concentration and focus to allow us to remain balanced even when we're exhausted because instead of thinking, "Geez, I just need to get through this," we're thinking, "I'm doing this for all the right reasons, so I'm getting at least some pleasure from this pain."
One last comment on the lessons of bike riding. I could go on for a lot longer on the subject, but I won't. I'll let you hop on your own bike and reflect on it. Here we go. On a road or mountain bike, the higher gear means it will be harder to pedal, but it also means that each rotation of the pedals takes you farther. Sort of like a car: 2,500 revolutions per minute in 2nd gear doesn't result in as high a speed as 2,500 rpm in 4th gear. The problem with driving a car, though, is that we as the driver aren't necessarily privy to how much harder 4th gear is on the car. On a bike it's hard to miss the difference. 7th gear is much harder than 3rd gear. Most people hop on a bike, realize that the first few gears are easy and not letting them feel the wind on their face, and push into 6th, 7th, 8th gears. At first they feel a little stress in their legs but think it's no big deal. After five minutes they start thinking differently. Granted, they may have reached some high speeds, but the tortoise wins the race. If you're feeling pain in your legs you better be near the end of your ride or get in a lower gear. High speeds are only temporary if you can't do it with some ease. Clearly, then, we must learn to slow down. No matter how sure we are that we are called by God to a certain project or lifestyle, we must bike the race at a pace comfortable to us until we can build up some endurance, or else we'll burn out too quickly and take decades rather than a few years to achieve goals. Over a thirty mile trek, someone riding at a speed at the cusp of what's comfortable for them will always arrive before someone riding as fast as their legs will allow at all times. The latter will need a thousand breaks and eventually even a 3rd or 2nd gear may bring immense pain. Let's learn to love the length of life God has given us. He wouldn't call us to a task that we don't have time for. So let's take our time, be comfortable, enjoy the sights, and love our conversations along the way. And also, let us know that God wants to spend time with us without demanding that we accomplish certain tasks to earn His love. Whatever we are called to, it's so others may know how much God loves them, not so that He will love us for doing something good.
I encourage you to get on a bike. Sweat a little. Pretend you're Lance Armstrong. Feel your legs ache. Save God's Creation. Most of all, though, get on the bike and reflect on how it's a mini-metaphor for our life with God. Maybe you can even think of the bike you ride as God, if it helps. Peace.
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