We all need a mentor or two like that...

I've been doing some reflecting recently. It's a time of transition for many friends, colleagues, pastors and mentors. Some folks are graduating and moving on. In the United Methodist Church, at least in the U.S., July 1 marks a time of passage. It's when our appointment year begins and ends. Some retire. Others, newly consecrated or ordained, rise to fill the ranks and answer the call. While I myself am not moving, I do feel like my life is in a bit of an upheaval. One of my mentors is retiring and taking on a new position in the life of the annual conference (grouping of local churches). Another mentor is being moved...to fill the position of the mentor that is retiring...at my home church. It is a time of transition and change for many people. It's positive change, but change just the same.

Yet, amidst all the changes, I am blessed. Blessed to have so many wonderful mentors who care for me deeply. Blessed to have mentors that I have work, home and cell numbers for that I can call whenever I need something. Blessed to have mentors who are learning how to use technology and social networking even though it is out of their comfort zone because they know that this is one direction the Church is headed...and they want to be relevant.

In my class, Leadership and Administration in the Small Church, this past spring semester, the professor said several times that the ideal mentor should be about 15 years older than you--old enough to have some experience, but not so far along that they forget what it was like to be in your position. I gave that some serious thought...because I have several "official" and "unofficial" mentors, and I don't think one of them is 15 years older than me. My two closest mentors--the ones mentioned above--one is about 25 years older than me, and the other is close to 40 years older than me. But that seems to work for us.

I'm open with my friends and family about my relationships with my mentors. It doesn't mean I share everything we talk about, but they know we have a close relationship and that I will often work out or process my thoughts on ministry and life with my mentors before sharing them with the wider world. A few weeks ago, one of my friends asked me a question that has come up before--"How do you find a mentor?" Because people have asked me that several times, I've tried to come up with a satisfactory answer. But the truth is, it isn't clear-cut.

I've had some mentoring relationships established because the mentor saw some type of potential in me and then took a special interest in me to help me grow and develop. For me, this is the most special mentoring relationship because I can feel the love in the relationship--it's not a job, it's a choice.

Other mentors I've kind of latched on to them--I saw something in them that I liked or admired, and approached them to chat...and tried to build up a relationship in this way. For me, this is the most difficult type to maintain--much of the work to maintain the relationship is on me--I have to take the initiative. But it's also acknowledging where I need to grow and who can help me in that.

The third type of mentor I have is one that is assigned to me through the district committee on ordained ministry (DCOM). And they do try to make matches that they think will work for the candidate...sometimes they are right, and sometimes they aren't. The first mentor they assigned me didn't work out very well. She had things going on in her life that kept her from being fully invested in the relationship, and I had bad "vibes" about it from the beginning...so I clammed up and didn't share. After the mentor took early retirement, I was reassigned to another mentor--this time, the match was wonderful! In my experience, this relationship is easier in some ways to maintain because we are required to meet at certain intervals. But there is a sense of duty involved. Also, this mentor is required to report to the DCOM on your status--not necessarily what you talk about, but they are there to help you grow and evaluate your growth.

While none of this exactly answers "how do you find a mentor?," I hope it does provide a basic overview of a few different types of mentoring relationships as they relate to ministry. I also want to emphasize how important it is to have folks you can turn to, who can help guide you, that you can ask all your "stupid" questions to without feeling "stupid." I know that I wouldn't be where I am today without my mentors. They are the people who have encouraged me when I want to quit, ease the burdens when I'm loaded down, answer my questions when I'm not sure how to phrase them, love me when I feel the world is out to get me, share stories from their own experiences to make the journey easier, pray with me and for me and my ministry, saw potential in me when I saw none, and are there for me to call on when I just want to chat. Some of the relationships have transformed over time...from pastor, to mentor, to colleague, to friend. Others are in some stage of that process. But all are special and valuable.

As people move this summer, they are cleaning up and cleaning out. One mentor is cleaning out closets and has offered me the opportunity to see if there is anything I want from "the collection." Another mentor is cleaning out a library that has been established over a period of 45 years in ministry. Some things they are keeping, others they are getting rid of because "they are of no use to anyone"--things like 30 year-old commentaries that use approaches/thoughts not used now. But the rest...the rest of the library is up for grabs. And I have first dibs. I'm not sure what I'm looking for or need. But I plan on saying, "give me anything you think will be useful" and trusting the mentor to provide. Because that's what it's all about--a trusting, mutual relationship. Without trust, there is no mentoring relationship. And I know that this pastor will not intentionally steer me wrong...this pastor has proven that time and time again. We all need a mentor or two like that.