Leading up this year's Father's Day I've been thinking a lot about what the day means to me. I've always respected my father, but I can't say I've always loved my father, except for the fact that he was my dad and I think any non-abusive, somewhat attentive father would be heart breaking for a child to lose, so I loved him because I couldn't imagine life without him. Growing up, then, I only spent time with my dad when I wanted to play a game. Other than that, I thought him to be too strict, too demanding, and too judgmental of anything not done his way or not thought out the way he would. I have memories of Father's Day as a kid being not much more than my dad's taking the day off from any type of work and everyone else doing whatever they felt like. It wasn't very meaningful and it didn't exactly celebrate my dad as a father. What makes a Father's Day special (and Mother's Day, too, but Mother's Day was about two months ago and I wasn't thinking about this then) is that the spouse and children say, "Hey, dad, we love you and we appreciate all that you have done for us, so let's take a day to celebrate you and, to help do that, we'll do all the work around the house and such." It's not special when the father's family doesn't give him that type of support and he has to decide on his own that he's not going to do anything, which is what I forced my father to do growing up.
Although this will be my first Father's Day away from home, it will be the most special Father's Day to date for me... and it's not because I recently got someone pregnant. No one I know is pregnant, I'm not going to be a father. I'm still only a son. Nothing much has changed, and yet this Father's Day will be significantly more special for me. Why?
I'll tell you why. Approximately a year ago I realized just how much my father has done for me in my life. As I said, I have always respected my dad, he's a great man, but I've never much enjoyed spending time with him. That was until approximately a year ago when I realized how much I owe him, how much who I am is indebted to my father. And I also began to realize that the faults I see in my father don't make him a bad person, they don't even necessarily make him uncomfortable to be around. Part of the problem was that I had a number of the same traits which caused a lot of friction, and part of the problem also was me. First of all, for whatever reason, I never gave my father the benefit of the doubt. I didn't approach him with love. So when I saw his faults I immediately was displeased, without acknowledging that I have lots of faults, too, and that everyone has faults. I also came to realize that it was from a lack of care and love that resulted in my father's quest to assert himself while at the same time detaching himself from family life, making him seem more unpleasant than he really is.
I started realizing all these things and was determined to make a concerted effort to love my dad. That was pretty easy, because apparently the love was there the whole time and I had just been denying it. But it was also easy because my dad is awesome. We started spending more time together, we hiked together a lot, and we also started eating meals as a family, for the first time since however far back I can remember. Before last year every member of the family generally ate whenever they wanted to, not waiting for anyone else and sometimes taking the food back to one of our rooms rather than eat at the table.
The last part is key, because I see that as the reason why this year Father's Day actually means something to me. For the past year or so my family has spent at least part of the day just sitting together sharing a meal. Nothing special, nothing extravagant, simply a mundane activity. As mundane as sharing a meal with your family might be, though, it's extremely special. A friend of mine likes to say that sharing a meal with someone is possibly the most amazing thing we can do as humans, because when you share a meal at the table everyone is equal, everyone is loved, and everyone is nourished (perhaps not nourished physically in some places and in some homes, the comfort of company, I hope, is always nourishing). So this Father's Day is special to me, as all Father's Days should be, because I have the memory of coming together with my family at the end of every day and sharing a meal together, and my father is an inextricable part of that. More than that, I know that that memory is part of what has kept my spirits up this past year at school.
All this is a lead-up to something I will hopefully keep short, I've written for quite a long time. I think about the Friday night sabbath dinners that I share with a family that I am friends with here at school. The family considers Friday night into Saturday evening sabbath, in a way to return to ancient tradition but also because, as ministers-in-training, Sundays are not exactly work-free. Though I don't see the family a whole lot during the week, those Friday evenings are incredibly special to me. For a few hours out of the week, I feel like I have a family away from home. But it's more than that. In the prayers and the breaking of the bread that we do before we partake of the meal, I realize that I am a son of God, part of His grand family. In that realization I also see that sabbath isn't made for us humans simply because it's good for us, but it's meant for us to recharge with God, as if He says, "You should all have a sabbath and remember it because, just as I had a sabbath, my family shall always enjoy a day of rest with me." Every week, then, I have the memory of being part of a family, a nuclear family and God's family, and that is a special thing made more special by knowing that the week will end and allow me to bask in it.
I know that my last post was about taking advantage of the sabbath because it's good for us and not thinking about it as a rule to observe, and I want to reiterate that in a slightly different way. Observing the sabbath, even if you are alone or in a family that is struggling, abusive, or in some other way putting you in serious physically and/or spiritual risk, can remind you that you are still a child of God and a precious member of His family. That is something we should always seek to remember. Just as my family's taking a mini-sabbath every day to share a meal together has been the central originator of my grace and joy, so will sharing a meal with the family of God do for you and for all of us. Or simply saying, "Ok, God, this is so sweet, I've got all my work done for the week so let's hang out!" Then the sabbath will become something you look forward to every week, knowing it is part of what keeps your chin up during the week, your heart pouring out love, and a source of joy, and knowing how incredibly fun spending time with God can be.
Thus ends my mini-series on the sabbath.
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