We Are Not Alone

We are not alone; we live in God's world.

In the past three weeks, I have spent approximately ten days on various trips with the youth group I lead - seven days in Mississippi with UMVIM rebuilding homes destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, and three days in Tuckahoe State Park on a team-building retreat. During these trips, I have been coming to grips with an important, but unappealing aspect of vocational ministry - the sometimes small but seemingly insurmountable wall between ministers and their congregations.

We believe in God:

who has created and is creating ,

who has come in Jesus, the Word made flesh,

to reconcile and make new,

who works in us and others by the Spirit.

We trust in God.

Often in these first few months of new ministry I have had the opportunity to reflect on the difference between being a paid minister vs. an unpaid volunteer leader. The expecations are different, and rightly so - if a church is paying for for specific services, you should be working hard to ensure those expectations are met. But the attitude, the approach, is almost totally alien to me, and I'll admit to more than the occasional stumble in the past weeks as I work to understand not only my youth and the church as a whole, but also their view of me. I was hired in part to be a prophetic voice of change, which is much easier said than done when your livelihood depends in part on the approval of the people you're about to piss off. This situation is also different for me in that unlike every other church I've been a part of in the past, I have no advocates, no allies, no "in" to help me - just a title and a desk. I love what I do, but this experience is forcing me to come to terms with the loneliness inherent in my vocation. I have a handful of people I can turn to at seminary or from other communities who are, in essence, my "church family" - but they are not part of my church life and cannot share in my joys and sorrows with any kind of immediacy. There's no one to turn to after a conversation to ask, "Did I handle that well?" because everyone has some sort of stake that I don't fully see in the life and vitality of the community, and without knowing their bias, I can't rely on their input.

Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not trying to rag on my church in any way, shape or form. The church I serve is one of thousands just like it, and there are many aspects of it that I already love and want to be a part of. But what do you do with all this?

We are called to be the church:

to celebrate God's presence,

to love and serve others,

to seek justice and resist evil,

to proclaim Jesus, crucified and risen,

our judge and our hope.

I pray. I pray for discernment, understanding and wisdom in learning all I can. I pray for a spirit of revival in this congregation (a dangerous thing to ask for if there ever was one) and in this youth ministry - not because we seek or need greater numbers, but because we truly desire God's presence among us. I pray for new leaders to be raised up and new ideas to take hold. I pray for the right words to say. I pray for control of my emotions when I need it most. I pray that God will use me even when I feel like a fool or look like a fool to these people I am so eager to impress. I pray that God will continually remind me why I answered this call to ministry and why I fell in love with His people. I pray that cynicism and backbiting will give way to hope and love. And I pray that God will remind me of His presence, that in those moments when I feel like there is no way I can take another step forward into this great abyss of the unknown, I will know and be comforted by His steadfastness, grace and mercy.

In life, in death, in life beyond death,

God is with us.

We are not alone.

Thanks be to God. Amen

-Statement of Faith of the United Church of Canada