It's Not About Me

Over the past few weeks, I have fallen in love with rural church ministry. It is the most challenging thing I've done in my life, yet one of the most fulfilling. I think the only thing more fulfilling for me is working with children and youth who don't know Christ as Lord and Savior come to know this with every ounce of their body. This is a blessing.

My love for the churches grew as I was able to shovel God's driveway (AKA, the church parking lot) multiple times after the snow storms the mid-Atlantic has been experiencing recently. I shoveled until my whole body ached, until my hands bled. But I kept shoveling because it was a witness to the community around us that we are open and that worship is important. My heart swelled with love as I saw elderly people venture out to worship that was rescheduled. My love for them has grown each week as they teach me what they like about my sermons and what needs improvement. The love grew as I sort-of officiated communion for the first time (the elements were already consecrated) and botched it up. My love for them grew as we met with the staff/pastor parish relations committee (AKA the people who are the liasons between the pastor and the congregation, the ones who evaluate the pastor each year). In my small churches, literally 1/3 of the congregation sits on this committee. Our task last week was to create goals for each church, the charge and myself as the pastor for this year. Their goals for me? There were 2...first, to be academically successful (however I define that), and second, to take sabbath time. That's it. My heart swelled with love for them because they realized this need. My birthday was Friday, and I received 5 cards from my one congregation, and both congregations sang me "happy birthday" multiple times. Somehow, they figured this out...even though I was secretive abou this.

My love for the people has grown as I learn their stories. They rarely tell their own story, but they all tell tales on one another :) One man, who is about 80 years old, hadn't come to worship for 20 years--he had a falling out with someone years ago and never returned, despite the efforts of his wife, friends, various pastors, etc. I found out that when I came, he was invited back again, and came. He's been one of the most faithful attendees in the 2 months that I've been pastoring there. He's such a joy to be around! We had 5 children in worship today at the first church! A true blessing. Two weeks in a row we had more than 30 people in worship there...the average, going back at least 15 years, was 14 people. The church is coming alive! The second church I pastor had a luncheon after worship today (and boy, can they cook!). The attitudes and outlook of people are brighter than they were 2 months ago. While we aren't growing there (yet), the decline is gone...worship attendence is steady...even if there aren't children. I admire their tenacity in the face of possible closure in the next few years. Their hearts have gone to missions work. Last year, they didn't give a dollar to missions...now, there is over $350 going to relief efforts in Haiti and 36 health kits that were made! I'm in love.

But it's not about me. While I would like to say that the good that we've seen in the past few months are due to me...it's not. It's due to God being active and present...to us being open to being used according to God's purposes. I finished today's sermon at 2am. I fell asleep on the computer several times. I really struggled this week to make the sermon "fit" and "flow." Something just seemed "off." I finally gave up when I couldn't see the screen anymore...my eyes were droopy with sleep. I wasn't satisfied. I realized that this was becoming a common theme...each week, I finish the sermon, read it, and then say that it's missing "something." I'm never satisfied with the sermon. And perhaps that is a good thing. If I were satisfied with the sermon, it would be about me. But instead, I am forced to pray and surrender to God--"Lord, I pray that you speak through these words, that you speak through me to give the congregation a message that you would have them receive." But really, it's not God speaking through me, it's God speaking in spite of me. It's not about me. It's about God. The same is true about the growth (spiritually and numerically) in the congregations...it's not about me...it's about God. God is speaking and acting in spite of me, not because of me or through me.

I am grateful for the love and generosity shown to me by my congregations. I am blessed to have such wonderful teaching congregations that make it part of their ethos to show me how to be a pastor. But even more so, I am grateful and blessed that God is able to do great work there in spite of me being present. Thanks be to God!