Being called into the ministry is kind-of like being diagnosed with a fatal disease.

That’s a joke. Sort of. Not really.

Actually, every major life transition is like dying. Every time we start down a path, at some level, we must grieve the loss of the paths not taken. At some point, every seminarian reads Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s 1969 book, On Death and Dying. (In my opinion, everybody should read it.) The five stages of grief outlined in that ground-breaking book are now virtually universally accepted. Some people skip stages, and some people take them out of order. But almost everyone who finds out that they’re dying must go through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression/fear before they finally reach acceptance. Their loved ones experience these stages as well. As with anything, some people move more quickly than others.

All grief follows this pattern, or something very much like it. Whether we’re losing a friend, changing careers, or moving out of the house we grew up in, we simply cannot lose something that defines our identities without grieving the loss. Anyone who denies this is simply stuck in the denial phase, which is not a good place to be.

Nothing defines our personal identity more than our vocation… our life’s calling. Most of us were raised on a lie: “You can be anything you want to be when you grow up.” Yeah. Right. I wanted to be an astronaut. Then I tried to learn math… which, as it turns out, is incredibly difficult for some people. The truth is that God created each of us with a purpose. If we choose a purpose other than the one for which we were designed, we will suffer for it. That’s why so many pastors love the story of Jonah. At some point we all realized that “free will” just means that we’re free to choose to follow God willingly, or we can get dragged along in the belly of a fish. God will work either through us or in spite of us… the choice is ours.

But the choice is nonetheless hard. Saying “Yes,” to ministry means saying, “No,” to so many things. Not just vocations, but lifestyles. Pastors never know what it feels like to get a “performance bonus.” They never know the joy of reading “The Night Before Christmas” to their kids while tucking them in on Christmas Eve. There are many joys… a great many to be sure… But we don’t truly know what ANY of them are at the point when we must answer the call. We go in blind, or not at all.

That’s why we typically respond with DENIAL... which will be the topic of my next post.

In the meantime, let me say that it is an honor to be invited into this blog, especially knowing that I am the only one writing from the other side of ordination. The journey from candidacy to Elders’ Orders took me twelve years. But rather than bore you all with a blow-by-blow of my discernment process, I’ve chosen to start with a series of five reflections (six if you count this introduction) based on the stages of grief. While that may sound like a downer, grief is truly the most fertile ground for personal growth, which ultimately brings us joy.