Do you ever feel like God is calling you in lots of different directions all at once? Like your calling has lots of little elements that don’t really fit together perfectly all the time? You’re being pushed and pulled in multiple directions all at once. It’s enough to make you feel a bit woozy.
Applying to, visiting, and eventually choosing a theology school is a tedious and stressful process. I know – I did it last year, and I’m doing it again right now. After finding the school that I loved, my situation has changed and I find myself once again going through the application and discernment process, this time as a transfer student.
I felt called to Boston University School of Theology last year, like it was perfect for me. It was the only school that I applied to, and I received a generous scholarship to attend. Sure, Boston is an expensive city to live in, but as a single person, it was fairly doable. It was the perfect fit for me, it was close to my girlfriend (who had been going to school in Vermont for three years – 3,000 miles across the country from me and our home state of Washington), and their academics are great.
Jump forward a year. Boston University is still a great fit, and their academics are still great… But the girlfriend is now my fiancée, and we’re getting married in July. Boston’s cost of living, along with being confined to the public transportation system (Boston rent, parking AND a car payment? Not going to happen.) began looking like a more and more financially irresponsible choice for us.
Having to discern a call for one person is pretty tough in itself… When you add in another person, another life that is affected by your decisions, it gets even more tough and confusing.
So, I began writing this entry as I was sitting sitting in the Chicago/Midway Airport on my way back to Boston after visiting Saint Paul School of Theology in Kansas City, Missouri. It was a wonderful visit, and while the school is very different from Boston University School of Theology, it has a lot of really great attributes. I could certainly see myself being happy spending a few years out there. It could be a great place for Crystal (my fiancée) and I to start our life together. If she is able to get a teaching job out there, it would be absolutely perfect. For me, anyway. Maybe it will be for her, as well, we’ll have to talk about it and see what we can figure out. My calling has become, at least in part, our calling. And it’s exciting, and it’s scary, and sometimes it makes me want to run away and hide.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to visit Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. More admissions and financial aid people to meet with, more students to talk to, and more decisions to make. And of course, plenty of pictures to take so that I can share as much as possible with Crystal.
When I was on one of my flights, I was reading a book. When the flight attendant brought snacks, I put a barf bag into the book to mark my page. That got me to thinking… Sometimes when things get rough, when you feel like you’re going to get sick, that’s a great place to stop and take a break, to sit back and gather your thoughts. Barf bags make great bookmarks.
2 comments:
great thoughts...the concept of having to integrate your call into someone else's life is a difficult one. maybe this is part of why seminary students like to date other seminary students? :D
Perhaps. I didn't go that route... But I am engaged to a pastor's kid, so she at least has an idea of what she's getting herself into. :)
Post a Comment