A Discerner's List Of Pros And Cons

As many of my friends and former colleagues are at UMC 2012 General Conference, I am in the midst of a year away from seminary, in part to discern whether I truly want become an ordained elder in the UMC.  However, Kilpatrick's comments on the cost of seminary educations have helped clarify things for me.  So at this moment, here's my list of pros and cons for pursuing ministry:

Pros:

• Knowing I make a difference in the lives of my parishioners
• Forming deep relationships as a process of my work
• Getting to educate others and engage them in the Word
• Enjoying the close companionship of my fellow ministers

Cons:

• Being considered an overpriced commodity to be valued and spent as the Conference chooses (thanks, Kilpatrick!).  Not to mention our continued lack of progression on ordaining gay clergy and encouraging full inclusion of the LGBTQ community in the life and leadership of our churches.
• Not being paid enough to repay my college and seminary loans on a decent schedule.
• Knowing that my career will be subject to the whims and politics of people I have no say in appointing, without a realistic voice in those decisions.
• Being held to account for every oath I take, without being able to hold my superiors to same.  (My DCOM has taken over a year and counting to appoint me a new mentor.  Two years ago they lost my psychological testing results and waited over a month to tell me.  I have no hope of BOOM or the Bishop's Cabinet being any better.)

Yes, that list could be much longer and infinitely more detailed, but that's where I'm at right now.  The longer removed I am from ministry, the less likely it appears I'll return to that path any time soon.  Say what you want about whether I was fit for ministry in the first place, about my resolve or my humility - God knows it won't be the first time I've heard it.  But I would like, just for a minute, for the powers that be to see how their decisions, words and policies are negatively impacting the discernment processes of thousands of young adults like me.  There was a time when I wanted nothing else from my life but to be an elder, to serve the UMC, and to guide and shepherd its people.  Now, I think there may be a higher and better use for my life, a more effective way to serve the world.  And that makes me sad beyond belief for the life and people I once idolized.